From an early age, we are encouraged to learn more and more, building certainties about subjects we know, experiences we have lived, objects, facts, conversations. With each passing day we consider ourselves “wiser,” more opinionated, more qualified to take part in discussions. The same trait that enriches us, in the sense of being able to act consciously in the world, also makes us arrogant and self-centered, always trying to prove that we know more than others, that we can predict situations, that we can understand and solve other people’s problems.
Many of the certainties we accumulate throughout life are almost invisible: they are embedded in our judgments, rooted in the way we were raised, in traditions, in ways of acting. But to be able to act politically in the world with empathy and more freedom, we need to acknowledge the unpredictability of events and embrace uncertainty. We are not the protagonists of the world One of the simplest ways to notice this behavior is to observe how we respond when a friend comes to tell us a story. Most of the time, our answers are variations of: telling a similar story that happened to us or to someone we know, saying what the person should have done, or what we would have done in their place. In every case, we cast ourselves as the protagonists of the other person’s life, without even considering that the other person is someone else: a person very different from you, who has lived another life, had other experiences, and has other ways of acting in the world. We assume our certainties are the same as those of the people around us, and this is one of the biggest drivers of our lack of empathy. How to practice not-knowing Practicing a stance of not knowing in different situations makes us more open to hearing opinions, considering new proposals, taking part in discussions, and being flexible about change. These traits help us not only in personal relationships with family, friends, and partners, but also in our work routine. Especially in leadership roles, where certainties are reinforced even more, it is important to pay attention and assess whether everything we impose really corresponds to what the other person considers true, and to be open to possibilities that incorporate the collective will. Starting to practice this stance means not acting or answering automatically on our mind’s first impulse, but stopping for a few seconds to listen to the other person and reflect on situations from new perspectives. We have the right to be confused, to acknowledge our gaps, and we have the duty to listen and to welcome.
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